heavensparx

2007-07-06T07:02:00.000-07:00

haha.. sorry friends for my slow response.. can't really blame me mah... first you all act as though there is not much to be expected.. then suddenly you all dissappear.. then i become sad.. wa i have great difficulties recounting this.. probably typing in broken language.. help.. anyway.. now that i have time to rewind all that has taken place.. i am really grateful for all the effort you all put in for me =) thanks pals! gosh.. its not easy typing this.. yeah la smint! i got cry a little.. when i was recounting to simin.. A LITTLE ONLY.. thanks! heres thanksgiving list: thank you esther, sylvia and beverly for the hair accesories! haha.. shall use it on monday to show my appreciation! thanks!!! thanks chaneline for the coin box, handphone accessory and the very cute card! thanks christine, calcy(also for the bracelet), chinghee, sminty, kailin, priscilla, apriee, simin, xinhui, khaiqi, yihui and irene for the erm is it called doll??? or kimno dressed hanger??? yup thanks alot! thank you cheryl for the star necklace =D thank you godpa for the external drive!!! (hmm.. though i doubt you'll ever read this blog =p ), thanks yiyi for the customized teddy! thanks to mummy and jie jie for the er pending present.. daddy forgot mine!!! sob.. by the way apriee you deserve the grammy awards for the deft skills in hoodwinking me to believe that everyone has abandon me.. for a moment i thought you were the only friend i am left with la..even when i see alvin in gilerei ( ahh don't know the spelling) i still think they left me for lunch! i mean i suspected maybe there is more when i saw chinghee and prissy acting suspiciously outside the toilet..but i thought cancelled since calcy is feeling unwell.. wa.. so depressed can... made me feel so depressed then come and surprise me with quite embarrasing birthday song.. =p sorry i take very long to react when i am numb.. haha... as i have said all the time.. under extreme conditions i tend to switch off.. (e.g. extreme weather.. go to sleep.. extreme sadness go to sleep/ loss feelings) haha.. it took me like 7 hours to feel happy when i got my 'O' Levels result la.. haha... yeah so about the lack of ability to mask how i feel.. erm don't be dissappointed by my lack of enthusiasm.. was still recovering from the dissappointment.. haha.. Yes Apri you are such a pro in acting.. i totally fell for the trick.. gah.. congrats to prissy and gang! the success in making me depressed and the effort of surprise party!!! thanks all for coming and support me!

2007-07-05T05:45:00.000-07:00

sigh.. my birthday is coming... why do i feel a sudden fear overwhelming me? what is it that i fear... it is consuming me.. and yet the fear in me is something so elusive.. it is not definite.. it engulfs me like a bottomless pit.. where the shades at the rim are so close one never really knows where it starts and ends..down down down... its so dark it never seems to end.. but i am not falling.. no.. i am quite sure of that.. or am i? the fear.. of changes... the fear of how a difference can change the comfort i have.. its just an extra number to my external age.. so what am i fearing.. will people change overnight? will the world be different when i wake up in the morning? is it anticipation? excitement? or am i just worrying too much.. the instability of the world.. everything is changing.. nothing is forever.. or is it? perhaps its the way things are... the blessings of a good crowd.. the contentment of belonging.. the wilful desire to hold on to this simple happiness... not necessarily with the most.. but.. i am falling... perhaps for so long that i have grown to be numb towards it.. when am i falling.. all the time? immune to it? haha.. how can i ever be... so much for phrasings like "words are cheap" etc.. truth is.. most of us THRIVE on the words we hear each day.. what makes your day a better day? a grand lauding on your skills? Praises in any form that compliments your whole being? BE HONEST.. in the end.. its not so much of a definite zone but of the effects it creates.. we have 3 basic colours in art: blue, red and yellow i think.. yes.. pleasently beautiful in its own rights..but its through the shades of colours that tends to take our breath away... the mirage of oranges at dusk.... the gentle waves of silvery blue on the lakes.. and they say.. its not the number of breaths we take that matters.. but the number of times we lost our breath.. ( haha... not exactly the last) so in the element of uncertainty.. not necessarily a bad thing.. at least it gives spaces for surprises.. haha.. so i am falling.. falling for the stunning effects of changes..

2007-07-04T08:27:00.001-07:00

silence allows reflection.. it really does doesn't it.. the power of silence and discovery... when in an empty room or otherwise.. silence amplifies whatever sounds we make.. silence here heightens our sense of hearing... silence allows us to deal with our own thoughts.. the perfect time to reflect.. its only in silence are we able to get more in touch with our surroundings.. the fall of a pin.. if only we would stop to listen.. there is so much to learn.. the language of the world the melody of nature... why do we get mad with frustration when it gets too noisy? could it be the entanglement in harmony of our self to the surrounding? silence is golden then... in how when we try to be at ease with ourself we go off in seclusion to meditate.. to gain the "inner peace"...haha.. a play on the word.. peace.. stability and again silence.. yet.. if peace is all the parts of such wonder.. why do we go mad in frustration when the world suddenly stops in silence... then the truth dawns on us.. one can't get too much of something.. we need the contrast to see the difference.. the comparison to have a preference.. without some noises we probably won't realize how nice it is to get away from the petty squabbles in the market.. just like a piece of music score.. what makes a melody so magical? the ups and downs.. the cresendos and falling cadances.. the fast pace and the slow pace.. a perfect mixture for the perfect mood.. ah.. a similarity to life isn't it.. without the depressions we wouldn't realize what is happiness.. without the dark days would we be able to appreciate the carefree and freedom of today? yes.. appreciate the silence.. but remember to listen for the music of nature.. it is only then will you see that nothing is absolute.. to reach a level of zen and perfect harmony..

2007-07-04T02:23:00.000-07:00

sob.. cry... been a long time since i updated my blog..and now that i am... i am in such a miserable mood... if life was a like a mountain.. then it explains the saying of mid-life crisis.. afterall.. if one never reaches the peak.. then would it be unfair? but then again.. everyone just want to reach greater heights to happiness and success right? is it wrong to have so much desire... that our wants are such the likes of a black hole that sees no ends to it all? is it bad to be such a greedy lot that can never be satasfied with their lot? haha.. but we question everything don't we..yet are we prepared to face the truth of our doubts? do we really want an answer to all our questions? it has been a long time since we assume that the black hole just sucks everything in its way.. full stop. thats what WE assume... BUT there is a theory now that may just change the very root of what we know.. wonder how those studying physics would react at the attack in the very basic rule of the study itself..personally i admit to being no pro in the studies.. a recent programme explains this concept ( is it the law of quantum???) anyhow it says that in every particle there is an information to it.. so say when a building pulverized.. by collecting the debris of particles.. one can very well get the building to the very way it was before.. that things do not dissappear by themselves.. however, a guy ( whom i forgot his great name) came up with this formula that says that the black hole while no doubt sucks everything.. one day.. it will come when the black hole itself dissappears.. and when it does... so will all that was sucked in whether it is the can of coke left in space ( er.. don't know how it'll ever end up there.. but then there's another thing i heard.. which should be a story left for next time?) or a piece a rock in space...so far so good.. in calculation and theory he is not wrong.. Still it is not enough for scientists to recgnize this theory.. (seems to have stir up quite a wave) imagine if they did! by uprooting the very foundation where other theories built on.. the recognition that things will eventually dissappear by itself would lead to question and doubt on how much does these "experts" know then.. do they then even hold to say that they have "profound" knowledge in what is now a rediscovery channel topic? afterall whats a tree without its roots? probably a piece of log? but to call it a tree???? hm... oh no.. seems like i have been sidetracking... sigh... its nice to learn new things each day.. makes one a different person from yesterday... afterall.. if an extra day of resource have no impact on anyone or anything then it would be an unhealthy blockage to the cycle of life.. wouldn't it? hail the young hero.. the next star... everyone sees the wonder of the success inadvertently.. they forget those who mark the winners... in having winners there would always be losers.. but who are they to hold a place in anyone's heart... this is reality.. this is fact.. a brutally cold hard fact... but who can deny it.. everyone is guilty but can we blame them? no.. and why..simply because the world has too many people in it and we can't expect everyone to be on the news everyday... its too much and too unrealistic.. a good piece of news is one that filters and highlights the key points of the day.. we all WANT and DESIRE to be WINNERS... winners and no less than that.. naturally we only read of winners so WE can be one as well.. who is going to care about the losers.. sure.. there is going to be a lesson to be learnt.. but why spend time on a failed attempt when there is a choice for otherwise... thats why there is fear.. the fear that mountain is not going to be the high.. afterall.. the dissappointment of being just a little hill.. not the still young and growing mt everest.. where its peak is still peaking since the whole mt is still growing.. sob.. i am breaking down.. if only... i hope there is more in height for me.. feel like i am in the pits now.. ok probably not the worst possible but.. enough to make me sad... the glory and accolades in good grades.. whats wrong with me.. as a student.. the only thing i do.. yet.. my grades..cry.. is my language breaking down? wallow in self pity.. thats not a mark of a winner.. lord be there for me.. i am lost.. probably incoherent now.. argh... there must be way out.. save if i can bear with it... writing clears the mind.. yet it feels too light headed.. like i've empty what little in there.. this is scary.. i want to be a winner too...

2007-04-08T07:48:00.000-07:00

wahh....things are getting from bad to worse...sob... first i lost my lit package... then my maid got angry with me... now after many months of catagorizing and collecting of songs...all is gone from my itunes....sob... just when i needed some happy songs too...ultra depressed... cant help but cry... wahhh.....so miserable... despite knowing there are people who are suffering way more... i can't help but feel upset by these series of events... god forgive me... cry...

2007-04-07T08:27:00.000-07:00

ahh.... so pissed!!!! frustrating... i can't find my literature poem package...sob... need to hand in assignment on monday somemore =( so sad... regret... was so irritated just now.. ahh pissed my maid off too.. bad point... made lots of tsk tsk irritated noise as i fumbled through my mountain of papers... feel bad.. probably spoilt her day too... now she is sleeping.. guess i just have to apologize to her tomorrow... =p fear that sorry has no cure...hmm... ahh... couldn't help it just now... ='' so frustrating!!!!!

2007-03-21T03:24:00.000-07:00

hmm.. ok i think i might be joining kat and farah for tution this week...have waited so long...even my dad have also gotten anxious...keep saying not much time left..ahhh... seriously is the world moving at a faster pace than before??? as in time slips pass way too fast!!! ahhh...

2007-03-17T22:21:00.000-07:00

hmm..maybe its time for me to join kat and farah for economics tution... first step to starting the engine...ahhh... inertia... need to take off!!!

2007-03-17T22:10:00.000-07:00

This is totally depressing... great times always whizzes pass.....ahh why is time moving at such a rapid rate!!!! argh... i havent even done anything productive and its the last day of march holidays... sob... seriously need to repent, reflect, and do something about it... so depressing... i am so not ready for examinations!!!! yeah and need to find tution.... sob.... argh... now have two essays to write one literature and one general paper essay...ahhhh.... need to be more focus in studies!!! ITS A MUST!!! JIAYOU!!!

2007-02-20T00:20:00.000-08:00

ahh... today.. i wanted to do something productive... sob.. even sacrificed watching my girl the movie in the hope of doing more productive work once outside the house...in the end plaza singapore was so crowded..ahh.. pastamania was more ex than usual today and the aglio olio er.. oh well.. then went to starbucks... so ex... and the coffe didn't taste all that great.. i wonder is the person who is making it having a bad mood.. he was banging it soo loudly the whole time.. couldn't even have a relaxing time to drink it.. to think i even upsized it..ahh... the crowd in the cafe seems over enthusiasitc too.. the noise they were making made me feel like i was in the midst of a fish market trying to study... what a good place to go... then it was MacDonalds ... didn't turn out much better... in the end i went home and watch tv..ahh...

2007-02-18T08:32:00.000-08:00

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!!
Haha... new year use auspicious colour to type today's report..hehe... ah could not sleep properly yesterday night.. in the end woke up near 10 plus... went to bath then go visiting at 12.. this year we set out so late.. somehow the mood of a new year is lacking... oh well ... WELCOME PIGGY =) hope i'll have great luck this year!!! please.... thank you...haha...visited my grandparents from both sides then went home... oh my... from saturday to sunday i have been sleeping when there is nothing to do.. ahh.. need to be more hardworking and start work.... jiayou... this year..ahh....

2007-02-16T07:36:00.000-08:00

hehe... yay!!! successfully got my mc =) wa i was so scared the doctor won't give me mc... had to reherse my speech for like at least two times with my friend.. =p wa today spent so much... in the afternoon went for klunch.. wa me and my friend thought that by going to the more desolate area like hougang can get more extension of time.. WE WERE SO WRONG.. not only did they not consider the late timing of arrival.. they got also got us out of the room before the time was up.... sob.. then i went around hunting for priscilla's present.. haha... so tiring.. until i got knock out when i reach home... =p hee this led to me end up being late in meeting the rest for the celebration... we zoomed around a few locations.. everywhere was so steep.. in the end we went back to kbox where we had japanese buffet! ahh cost $30!!! sob... oh well... its a celebration... means must save more when school reopens..cannot anyhow spend money.. yup... it was quite fun.. haha..hmm.. thats it for today then.. good night! =)

2007-02-15T16:41:00.000-08:00

GOOD MORNING!!!
haha.. its been a long time since i last updated the blog... shall type a longer entry today... wa.. slept without my blanket over me for the first three hours or so at night.. was woken up by itch.. sob... had mosquito bites all over... cry.... so itchy... then i had to spray water over the attacked spots before trying to go back to sleep again.. so scary when i lie down i actually could hear the sound of the mosquito.. eek... couldn't continue having a nice sleep for too long though.. ah.. the attacks of mosquitoes!!! Argh.... first thing in the morning have to meet up with zhi ping to accompany me to see the doctor.. i hope the doctor would give me mc since i already missed school... there is roadrun today =p wa... i wonder if getting attacked by mosquitoes is enough to warrent an mc.. ahh... i hope i can get it.. what a day.. first place to go is to the doctor.. then go out and buy present for priscilla.. haha... was supposed to kind of organize a party.. but i informed a few key people who can help..haha.. since i not in school today =p oh yeah must dedicate a line to her: HAPPY BIRTHDAY PRISCILLA!!!
the current plan is to go for kbox at night as celebration.. haha... will be back to report on my success( i hope) of getting my mc! =)

2006-12-17T08:57:00.000-08:00

Back from the china holiday!!! haha.. can't believe it.. almost went for the whole month haha.. too lazy to update every detail but now i know something.. jiangnan includes suzhou, hangzhou, wuxi and nanjing... and in terms of night market nanjing is the best..haha.. most of the other states close the shop early.. in hangzhou the shop closes at 9..and since we only reach the state quite late..there was no time to shop.. ahh... not a good time to type an entry tonight since i am not ready to type the account...haha.. too much drama taking place at one time..ahh.. can't believe these are happening at home..

2006-11-10T07:43:00.000-08:00

sob... i want to grow tall.. i really want to... sob... how to grow tall... sob.. next time if i am not going to come down unless i am given height and looks plus brains and talents plus wealth..hehe i am kinda greedy..=p ... now such sad case... oh my.. dance in tianjin is going to be ahhhhhhhh( harrowing experience... pray it will be ok..)..... finish watching all the dramas and anime... feel a sense of loss.. BUT its time to start work... bahk shah!!!! AJA!!!! yes.. i must start being hardworking... ahh...

2006-11-06T08:33:00.000-08:00

hmm... during examinations i always feel like one is being torn apart ( or should i say shred apart?) yet.. ( when i am not bias = when i am having holidays) careful thoughts put examinations to be the exact opposite.. instead of being a shredder machine that tears one apart.. it is more likely a process to combine what was a scattered jigsaw puzzle to a clearer whole picture.. no doubt the effort to piece this pieces of jigsaw puzzles (knowledge) may be tedious when one is at it.. the result makes one feel a sense of accomplishment..no matter how long it takes..even if the length of time to complete a full puzzle may be longer than others ( as in the pace of studies) when one finally managed to piece the scattered pieces... the complete image becomes a reflection of his/her effort... an image of memory that will always be in her mind.. the longer it takes to complete it.. the longer it stays in the mind... yes... process can get frustrating.. but if one just put aside a little time each day.. the work would be lightened alot.. so i guess examinations and studies works the same way? ok.. i want to be hardworking too.. ahh help...

2006-11-06T08:28:00.000-08:00

"It is better to be thought of as a fool, rather than open your mouth to remove all doubt."
- Sent by Bill

ok i agree with this statement.. hope i'll not make the mistake.. ahh..

2006-11-01T07:53:00.000-08:00

erm.. how do one change the colour of the scrollbar? wa i think the current one kind of hard to navigate.. haha.. my entry today seems to be long.. haha.. oh well.. can practise.. to make up for my rare entries.. considerably? haha.. oh yeah.. on my way back home today.. i saw my primary school best friend! haha.. ok so we were in the same school all the way to secondary.. BUT due to a bit of conflict we sort of drifted away.. now she is in Victoria Junior College while i went to Temasek Junior College.. haha.. both schools are quite near actually and both of us stays in braddell!!! ok i'm near.. border.. haha.. hope to be able to be close friends again!!! she seems really nice today too.. ok.. she was the one who actually saw me first.. miss those days.. but still like the present.. haha.. so must start to build a better tomorrow.. combine the essence of whats best so that everyday will be a better day!!! haha... hope hope hope... afterall best friends are for life.. i hope it can be.. hope hope hope.... "such are stuff that dreams are made of''-- William Shakespeare

2006-11-01T07:33:00.001-08:00

haha.. i always don't know what to write in my blog..hmm.. wonder if anyone would even be reading it in the first place.. haha.. wa.. should learn to have a topic like those politicians... then again.. i seriously doubt my language ability.. what if i happened to type something that sounds offensive.. gee... i don't want to get sued..haha... notice how high Mr Lee Kuan Yew and his son's forehead is? wa i wonder if the height of a person's forehead reveals on their wisedom.. grr.. mine er.. wa i want it to be high too.. haha yay! The prime minister was from the band..haha.. ( at least have one thing in common =p) so cool to brainy...yup! he played the clarinet.. ah i play that for i think one session..it was quite a funny experience.. due to the lack of instruments in the year when i join the band..my friend had to share her clarinet with someone else.. (you wouldn't know how gross it might have if you didn't see the bubbles coming out from the mouth piece yourself) wa no offence.. i mean we were all newbies( though both of us made it a point to keep blowing dry..) haha.. then my fingers were too slender to cover the too big holes.. wa.. it was so hard to try to cover up the holes.. then you know if the holes are not covered and the air escapes the sound might turn from melodious to squeaky? i tried so hard.. that rather than just resting over the holes i was more like depressing my fingers into it in attempt to cover up the holes ( end up with circle marks on my fingers at the end of the session) ha.. then it was still at the selection round whereby the teacher would go around to see who is suitable for the instruments.. hehe.. when it reached my turn i was so freaked out.. afterall they did not teach me at all you know.. then of course i couldn't rely on the covering of right holes to play it.. more like i was using my mouth to control.. (note : i didn't exactly know what it was supposed to sound like) haha.. she sort of like wanted to change and have complains when suddenly the teacher in charge came over and say " wow.. keep her in this section, her notes are unique!" oh my.. i take that as a compliment? haha.. anyway.. though i am grateful to that teacher i escaped to the saxaphone instrument the moment i hear of two empty space.. haha.. while saving my friend from having to share an instrument.. saxaphone has buttons so the width of fingers would not affect the notes..

2006-11-01T07:29:00.000-08:00

After a long week of rushing the animation tsubasa chronicles.. the late nights took its toil on me.. wa.. must learn to be disciplined already.. haha.. not like theres are choice i can't find episode 49 which has subtitles... since i wouldn't be able to understand without the subtitles i have no choice but to rest haha.. hmm.. wonder what i should do.. ahh suppose to start on productive work yet.... ahhhhhhh... i want to be a mugger...

2006-10-20T01:40:00.000-07:00

ahhhhhhh..... so much to do... how to do stem cells report??? ahhh.. haha some more must finish cliques report and there is still I &R wa... how to do.... =p

2006-10-17T06:12:00.000-07:00

haha.. oh yeah.. got reminded.. ahem.. acknowldegment..
this blog was help created with the help of my friends kailin and calcy!!!!! haha.. without them i probably haven't get started yet.. haha.. yup yup.. must give credit where it is due... thank you thank you.. haha...

2006-10-17T05:46:00.000-07:00

waaaaaa..... today ate too much.. haha.. suddenly felt like drinking cream mushroom soup... everyone had pw to do.. haha... luckily have calcy and her friend called si min to go with me.. hehe.. i drank one bowl of cream mushroom soup at cedele with (lost count) number of bread.. (the two of them shared a bowl)... haha then after walking around the shopping mall.. the two of them got persuaded to go for another bowl this time at the soup spoon! haha and the three of us shared a bowl.. the bun hehe given to me... sigh.. cedele's mushroom used to be my preferred place.. have aspargus and all inside... but today.. the soup seems kinda thin in comparison to the first time i drank it.. sooo dissappointing.. now taste more like potatoe potage.. anyhow it was still alright.. haha.. the one at the soup spoon was way more satisfying though.. at least the standard is maintained.. just thick enough...waa felt tempted to try the meatless minestrone too.. but restricted by the high expenses.. haha...yay... quite fun calcy's friends were all very nice and interesting.. haha dinner seems nice too.. have my favourite dishes... waaa.. ahhh too full.. =p shall eat anyhow... hehe...

2006-10-16T06:44:00.000-07:00

hmm.. what is being matured? it may be time i learn to be.. but how should one be to be considered matured? someone who knows it all? that behave the right way at the right time? haha.. i might have been escaping.. afterall, to follow the proper direction seems quite dull... ahhhh i am miserable.. then i wonder... does maturity comes with age? haha... how about those squabbling aunties at the market... are they considered matured? hehe... they seem quite unreasonably childish at times to me.. so time is out.. wa then why is being 17= time to be matured? as to those who think they are matured.. are they really? how do one measure such tangible characteristic? anyway, who is to define what this whole maturity is.. oh well, i guess it is not really right to refuse to grow up.. bleah... but i fear the next stage.. the more one knows, the more miserable they may be..........

2006-10-11T21:01:00.000-07:00

hehe..Welcome to my world! =)
ahhh help me make this a better site...hehe... thank you!!!